Let’s face it. We live in a consumer society. Everything is branded and packaged these days. From clothing to water, we all know the brands, we all use the brands, we all consume the brands.
And numbers are kind of my passion. I love stats. Gimme numbers to describe a situation and I see things form up in beautiful, geometric fashion, all blocky and triangly and quadralateraly.
So in the spirit of numbers and brands, (how’s THAT for a forced segue?), this is my 2012 Election Wrap-Up.
The Number 1.
This is the precise number of votes I personally cast in the election. Ironically, so did most other Americans, unless they happen to suffer from split personality disorder. Which I guess makes me wonder why some folks spend so much time worrying about so-called “voter fraud.” The answer isn’t laws, it’s better systems. Create citizen-friendly systems that ensure a single vote for each registered voter and all will be well.
The number 6.
As in BILLION dollars. This is ABSURD! NO election should cost that much money!
Could we cure cancer with another SIX BILLION DOLLARS? Could we eliminate part of the national debt with SIX BILLION DOLLARS?
Is it just me, or is buying a Presidency just not worth that much money?
Time to replace a few Supreme Court justices and get some legislation passed that reigns in WILD campaign spending, UNBRIDLED Super-PACs, and anonymous FAT CAT donors. It’s time to take the cash incentive out of the electoral process, level the playing field, and take “Citizens United” back to the scrap heap.
The number 2.
As in the number of days after the election and #ThirdWorldFlorida STILL doesn’t have its vote tallied. Thank God we didn’t need that banana republic’s vote to count in the final analysis.
The number 0.
This the chance that the Republican Party has of winning Latino votes until the caucus gets its head out of its nether regions and realizes that “building a bigger wall” and “self-deporting” are NOT immigration policies that work. The number of old, white, rich guys in this country is dropping every day. Brown is the new Blue and you better get used to reaching out to these hard-working, dream-seeking people – illegal and otherwise – or you risk losing every national election from now till Armageddon.
The number 10,587.
As in the number of robo-calls that didn’t sway my vote one iota.
The number 1.
This is the number of times I actually tuned into either Fox or MSNBC for my election coverage. Both times I laughed. On Fox, I watched as Britt Hume stumbled and fumbled, trying to explain to Megyn Kelly why Fox WHIFFED on its stridently consistent insistence that Romney would somehow pull a rabbit out of his hat and win this thing. Even funnier was watching Kelly meander around the set like a lost bloodhound hunting for someone to blame for the numbers just not being what she wanted them to be. Over on MSNBC I watched for 30 seconds, sniffed the sense of pure glee in the air, and ran for the clicker.
ENOUGH! CNN isn’t perfect, but at least they put on the air of caring about a fair and balanced discussion of the details.
(BTW… John King is the new Tim Russert. All he needs now is a whiteboard and a low-odor dry-erase marker.)
This election is brought to you by, “The Gap.”
This election is brought to you by, “Banana Republic.”
As in the peninsula to the south where rigged elections, 12-page paper ballots, and voter suppression tactics run amok are the norm, not the exception.
This election is brought to you by, “Zamboni.”
As in the way NBC had to clean off its election results “board” after a fresh, snowy Nor’ Easter whacked upper New Jersey and New York less than a week after the entire region got hit by a superstorm. There was the Zamboni machine, dutifully scraping the ice at “Democracy Plaza” (really?) to show that indeed there were red states, blue states, and a lone gray state known as #ThirdWorldFlorida still not reporting. Yo, ComCast. Drop a sheckle or two and actually get NBC’s news division some really spiffy touch displays like CNN. That ice rink board was an embarrassment. “Cute” is fine for Barney and Friends, but NOT election night coverage.
This election is brought to you by, “The Nitrous Oxide Suppliers of America.”
Take one look at Joe Biden during the one and only VP debate and you have to wonder what the man was snorting before he hit the platform.
This election is brought to you by, “Cliff’s Notes.”
After all the recent talk about how we’re about to drive right off the “Fiscal Cliff” in a couple of months, I figured I ought to go grab the Cliff’s Notes for “The Art of War,” ’cause something tells me that in spite of all the lovey-dovey talk I heard the morning after, this fight ain’t quite over.
This election is also brought to you by, “Sesame Street.”
Now that Mitt Romney can’t wipe out PBS and Big Bird, perhaps another Grover (Norquist) might want to pay a quick visit to his equally-furry namesake and refresh on basic math. 1+1 will ALWAYS equal 2. 2-1 will NEVER equal to 3. Spending cuts alone will NOT dig us out of our fiscal mess. Even conservative economists are suggesting that a gradual return of pre-Bush tax rates may be necessary to help us dig our way out of our fiscal garbage can. (Sorry, Oscar.) Even Ronald Reagan (who?) raised taxes when he had to dig out of his failed trickle-down policies.
It’s time for Grover – the furry human, not the furry monster – and his buddies to remember history as it was written, not as it was fabricated for them by Fox.
This election is brought to you by, “Kleenex.”
When “journalists” cry more tears than the candidates over the election results, you know something is out of kilter with the news media.