J+K+8=Hindenburg

June 20, 2009 | Posted by Steve

Writing over at my other Blog, the relatively more mellow “sdpearl.com“, I opined back in late March that unless Kate Gosselin pulled the plug on the couple’s show, “Jon & Kate + 8,” their marriage would soon be over.  I had no idea just how quickly the wheels would come off the the cash-laden armored car riding on the backs of their prodigious brood.  According to insiders familiar with both the show and the two adult leads, the upcoming episode, Monday June 22, will air the announcement that the two are officially headed for the big “D,” and I don’t mean “Dallas.”

What is both encouraging and telling regarding the popularity of this marital slug-fest is that this show has hemorrhaged viewers over the past month.  With a 9.8million viewer share on its May 25th episode it scored a measley 2.3million for last week’s episode.  That’s a crash in popularity rivaled only by the state of Citibank’s stock.  Nothing gives me greater glee in this nuclear disaster than the idea that such a drop-off in viewers might represent a glimmer of sanity and hope for the taste buds of the American viewer.  Perhaps the collapse of J&K+8 finally signals that we have had it with indulging the wretched refuse and by-product of human greed on parade.

And greed J&K+8 indeed reflects.  Kate G’s press onward with the show in the face of her husband’s clear, moral melt-down (mistress of the week club, anyone?) reflects a hideously base level of narcissism and, “What me, worry?” hubris.  Forget all the flap about her hideous haircut and extensions.  Such critique is petty and childish, no matter whether it is valid.  No, what gains real traction for me is the popular backlash against the family’s purchase of a $1.3million mansion on acres and acres of celebrity-sized real estate in Berks County, PA.  That choice crossed the subtle line of good taste between, “We’re providing for our children” and “We’re using our children to provide for us.”

Further, if Kate ever had the fleeting illusion that the world would somehow clamor to her door to hear her mothering tips, making her the next “Oprah Winfrey of motherhood” (as she was overheard claiming), that boat ride has since ended in a resounding thud.  Who would, after all, sign up to hear parenting tips from a shrill mommy-dearest, house-nazi who loaded up on nannies, refused to let her sister-in-law drag any TLC take-home for helping “hair girl” with her burgeoning brood, and badgered her husband with ceaseless eye-rolls and thinly-veiled condescension during just about every show?  When even Kate’s brother came out and accused her of bitchy, selfish behavior who’s left as a character reference?  Advertisers?

No, the J&K+8 gravy train is off the rails and millions of American viewers are mercifully growing tired of watching the train wreck.  The only people left who are interested in patronizing the sinking of the S.S. Gosselin are those for whom “American Chopper” is Shakespearian-quality material and shameless intra-network crossovers like “Emeril Meets the Gosselin Sextuplets” are must-see TV.  Judging by the latest viewership numbers, the only thing left for J&K to do to boost the show is break out pistols and do business with each other at 50 paces.

The great tragedy in all this scumy childishness is that it didn’t need to get this far.  I wasn’t the only commentator begging Kate to call a halt to the show.  Jon wanted out and said as much on last season’s finale.  Kate wanted to press forward, claiming her life was perfect.  (And whose life wouldn’t be perfect if multiple nannies picked up after the kiddies and TV producers fawned at every, self-indulgent request?)

Now what Kate has left is what I predicted she would wind up with.  Divorce. The Bible talks about unequal yoking in a marriage, but I doubt this is quite what God had in mind with those words.  In this case the dissolution is less about a difference of faith (they both claim to be Christian) and more about a difference of yearning for cash-flow and notoriety.  When one party wants out of the media spotlight, is it really terribly loving or considerate for the other to say, “Suck it up, pal, I’m living MY dream!”?

I will not tune in for the on-air nuclear winter hitting TLC Monday night.  I will also insist that my family tune to some 10-year-old re-run of “America’s Funniest Home Videos” or even play some “Mario Kart” on the Wii before watching the Graf Zeppelin Hindenburg that has become J&K+8.  It is time that we all say a resounding, collective, “ENOUGH!” in the general direction of the Gosselin family.  Before any of us indulge in any more of their childish, boorish, tabloid-fodder behavior we ought to just throw our TVs out the window.

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